NOW, THAT’S FUNNY – PROMPT #106
Did you hear the one about…
Stop me if you’ve heard this one…
Everyone loves or has heard a good joke or pun. Your mission this week is to draw on your sense of humor – use a punchline from your favorite joke as your inspiration, and then write that poem.
It could be something funny a friend or sibling or parent says that makes you smile. Whatever brings joy to your heart is fair game.
“These two guys walk into a poem…”
MARIE ELENA’S KNEE SLAPPER:
I Don’t Get It.
My dad used to say (as he’d smirk with delight) “Don’t tell her a joke on a Saturday night – Or you’ll be the cause of her serious gaffe when Sunday in church, she is bustin’ up laughin’!” © Copyright Marie Elena Good – 2013WALT’S SIDE SPLITTER:
TWINS
Acting brothers
standing tall,
to fill a part
that was not small.
They came as two
to the casting call,
but if you’ve seen Juan,
you’ve seen Amal.”
© Copyright Walter J. Wojtanik – 2013
Good prompt, Walt and Marie, though I can’t guarantee that I can fill these shoes as you’ve put forth such heavy-soled poems to fill this bill already. 🙂
Thanks Clauds! What a fun prompt! I bet you’ll come up with something fun!
Marie Elena
So far I’ve thought of nothing, but my poetic brain cells are till fried from April. We’ll see. I’ll never be able to match Kate, though. My brain just doesn’t think that way on a regular basis.
Oh, dear! I can’t be funny by setting out to be funny; it just happens, sometimes… and I NEVER remember jokes. Ever. But I will try… and Marie and Walt, yours are a hoot. Two hoots, rather.
Walt, I love that joke. Reminds me of one we’re bound to see on this prompt about the short immigrant named Jose who thinks they’re singing the Star-Spangled Banner just for him.
Marie, yours is straight out of the family, and we three girls were just the same. The choir director’s daughters, guaranteed to start giggling up in the balcony! Nice start, you two! Amy
ODE TO AN OLD SOFT DRINK
Be I in Paris or Biloxi
I simply have to have my Moxie,
for I am not your average bloke
who likes to sip insipid Coke,
neither for me the beer and liquor
to make my senses sicker quicker.
That’s why I’m always looking for
those ancient labels in every store,
so please forgive this oxymoron,
but I am just a Moxiemoron.
copyright 2013, William Preston
Love the wordplay here, William. “Sip insipid” – HA! 😀
I have to admit I’ve never heard of Moxie. I had to google it. You must hail from one of the New England states?
Marie Elena
No, I’m from New York, near Rochester. As a kid, I recall the term being used to mean something close to chutzpah. I did encounter the pop (or soda, or however you call it where you come from) in places near Boston, though.
The inspiration for this actually isn’t Moxie but “candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.”
Bill
Fun!
🙂
X marks the spot!
Love this!
“The Flat-Foot”
My life does fill me with surprise”, say John.
My mission to check out a house, dead-on”.
Cops tell a story with a knowing look;
they love the punchline and they know their hook.
“A young and chipper guy, I’m gung-ho, too.
With trusty flashlight, bravery is due.”
His entry made to sinister, dark home.
Reports to station corpse is lying prone.
He steps beyond the corpse to enter room.
He lifts one leg to step into the gloom.
But now he feels upon that leg an arm
And quickly does his pumping heart alarm!
The corpse, alive, most helpful for his joke
As,grinning, John explains what this evokes.
(My husband, John, cop for many years, had a million favorite stories about his police work. This was just one of them.)
Oh no! Your poor husband! 😀
Marie Elena
It’s great to hear the fun stories.
All the stories I know from former police are all too dirty to tell here. I must hang with the wrong precinct. Amy
Yikes!!
Sometimes – well often, in life when we don’t do what we know we should, things can go a little haywire. This is an older piece of work (fictional) but inspired by a totally unrelated “eventful” day.
Sunday Sermon
By David De Jong
Woke early that Sunday morn,
Spring had sprung, the air was warm.
Made up my mind quick, thought He would approve too,
Gonna fetch my gear, skip church, catch a fish or two.
Got out the bread, lettuce, bologna and spice,
Pret near cut off my finger; very first slice.
Bandaged the wound, cleaned up the mess,
Wasn’t anythin’ gonna stop me, I must confess.
Got the coffee brewin’, hot water in the thermos, lettin’ it set,
When I went to pour, I knocked it over, makin’ my sandwiches sloppy and all wet.
At that, I gave up on lunch, and thinkin’ me to be smart,
I’d just stop and pick somethin’ up, at the local quick mart.
Opened the door, to my faithful old truck,
When I got in; I forgot to duck.
Got whacked on the head, by the top of the door,
All I could do was see stars, and hit the floor.
When I came to, wasn’t much wait,
But my head and finger were in a sorry state.
I managed to crawl in, buckle up and turn the key,
When I threw her in gear; I slammed my knee.
By now, tears are startin’ to form, and wet my face,
Thinkin’ the congregation probably be singin’ Amazing Grace.
It’d been a long winter, and I was tired of the frozen take,
Plus I heard from family folk – “Pike is chompin’ at the lake”.
Finally made it, to the music of the lappin’ shore,
Not a prettier sight – no that’s fer sure.
Fixed up my rig, and gave her a cast,
Halleluiah! – My line was wet, wet at last.
Cranked it back, slow and shifty, to lure one in,
Hopin’ no-one that knew me, would see the state I was in.
First cast, I hooked a big’ne, and would see him surface soon,
All I caught; some dead, half rotten, smelly raccoon.
It stank, so rank, and I gasped in a huff,
Couldn’t get that line cut, soon enough!
Startin’ to figure this maybe ain’t all by chance,
Bein’ stubborn and ignorant, I took my stance.
Moved down the shore, up-wind a bit,
Found a rock, just right, easy to sit.
Fixed my eye on the water’s gleam,
Gave an enormous cast; made that reel scream!
There was line in the lake, line on the ground,
It all left the reel, none left to be found.
Not a worry, as any good fisherman would know,
There’s always one or two spares, ready to go.
Back to the truck, to fetch that spare rod-n-reel,
Took one step, felt somethin’ poke, right in my heel.
That lure been airborne, misslin’ all this time,
Sank deep in my aquiles, pain shot up my spine.
I acquiesced and let out a yell and a holler,
My medical insurance sure to go up a few dollar.
I grabbed what I could, and loaded the truck,
I ain’t never before had this rough of luck.
Key to the ignition, turned to start,
Number three backfired, blew the head all apart.
Now I’m wounded, bleeding, truck’s in a haze,
Lo and behold someone’s a honkin’, givin’ a big wave.
Cringe in my eye – It’s the pastor and his wife, drivin’ out for a visit,
They stop, change their plans, drive me toward home, don’t just let me sit.
All the ride home, I’m gettin’ faint , pain, is gettin’ worse,
I keep ramblin’; “Take me to the doc, before I need the hearse!”
Pastor just chuckled and said; “Glad we come along, could be of service to you”,
“I’m makin’ bets; next Sunday you’ll be back in your usual pew”.
I never had a sermon so clear, like that day,
Trust me; never, ever again, will I stray.
I swore, not a curse, but an oath, till the day I die,
Won’t ever miss Sunday mornin’ service again – no reason why.
HAHAHA! Poor David! My husband has a similar story, but involves wintery Sunday and a snowmobile … 😉
Marie Elena
Somebody tryin’ to tell you somethin’? huh, David? lol
Yup
Sometimes, we just need a ‘clearer picture’ of what to do. 🙂
🙂 !!
The message finally got through to you, eh? 😉 You made me laugh so hard, David!
MADELINA
This woman I knew from Cordoba
Could charm the eyes of a cobra
But that’s all in my past
A snake bit her ass
And now I try hard to stay sober
#
*gigglegiggle* … oh my! 😀
Marie Elena
🙂
Very cool!
AN ODE TO WORMS
Now I lay aside my sleep
To set me down iambic feet
About a long maligned invertebrate
That people think is chic to hate.
On summer days you’ll see it crawl
In sidewalk cracks as raindrops fall;
Smooth-bodied, slimy, wriggling bait
Afraid to suffer fishhook fate.
With all there is to write about,
You wonder why I choose to tout
This unsung hero, the lowly worm,
And go so far as invent a poem
About this ugly parasite.
Are there not better things to write?
I’m not as foolish as you might think.
The day will come when on the blink
I find myself as all selves must
Buried on my way to dust,
The good I did when once alive:
This ode to worms will save my hide.
Perhaps while I am lying there,
Some crawling things will stop and stare.
Perhaps the word will have traveled ’round
That a worm’s best friend is underground.
I’d like to lay me down to sleep
And not be pestered six feet deep.
One good deed deserves its turn:
“Leave him be. He’s the man
who wrote ‘An Ode to Worms!'”
#
Well done… 🙂
I will attest and can confirm that Sal stood firm for every worm! 😀
Marie Elena
COWARDS OF THE COURT
Who did the walking
When the king
Succumbed to rages?
His yellow pages!
#
groan… : )
I second that groan! 😉
OOOOoo… BAD!
Oy vey!
ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY
They say she’s making progress everyday.
The first time she was betrayed by a man
she loved, she slashed her wrists.
The second time it happened
She slashed his.
#
These are all great Sal! I hurt from laughing!
Yep, good learnin’
Sal, you are a born comedian! I love all of these!! 😀
Oh Sal!!
Oh my!
Oh, these are too funny!
Pingback: Ready with Life | Metaphors and Smiles
I’m sorry to post and run…I’m bringing my six year old to a Birthday party this morning!!
I did read Walt’s and Marie’s…knee slapping and side splitting indeed!! :)’s to ALL!
~
Ready with Life
~
Warmed by early spring sun-
evoked by blue and cloud designs;
we’re drawn to the outside
after many gray winterish days.
~
I don’t remember what it was I was talking about
not the particulars of that passing thought
but when I exclaimed “well, that’s weird!”
I remember that it was sunny
and I know that there were smiles,
I recall that it was an adventure
and that we were going to the playground.
My six year old responded with,
“yeah, that’s as weird as a chicken wearing SOCKS!!”
“Now, THAT IS weird!!” I answered with a laugh.
The giggles and glee that tailed there after brings me such happiness ;
and the listing of other weird pairings that pursued is such a joyous memory.
“That’s as weird as a bird wearing snowshoes!”
“Weird as a butterfly wearing eyelashes!”
“That’s as weird as a giraffe saying whoo-whoo!!”
~
Fond memories found in simple yet complex conversations…
I remember how the trees swayed with the wind
and tight buds bobbed from the end of their branches;
just waiting to burst forth,
ready with life.
~
Copyright © Hannah Gosselin
YES, Good fun memories that last a life-time.
They sure will…thanks a lot, Marjory! 🙂
Oh, Riley used to say when exasperated, “Oh, my sweet and sour cranberries!” She doesn’t remember where she got it. I love kid stories, kids rock the joke world!
How cute! Kids DO rock the joke world … and every other world. Hannah, why does it not surprise me that your natural surroundings take up residence in your heart and mind with each fond memory. Do you KNOW how cool that is?? 🙂
What fun, Amy!! Thanks for sharing your sweet story!! 🙂
Adorable!!!
Yes!! Kids can be sooo funny and fun!! 🙂 !!
Thank you!!
Just the thought of a chicken wearing socks makes me smile…
:D!! Ha, ha, ha… I Loved “… a butterfly wearing eyelashes…” 🙂 !!
There once was a man from Shanghai
Who married a witch on the fly.
When he wanted to munch,
he said, “Make me a lunch.”
Now he’s bologna on rye.
: ) haha
Ha! clever one 😀
Ooooo… 🙂
What a crack up!
…reminds me of the commercial on tv where the guy asks the genie to fix his spare tire…
:D!!
I had to show my hubby this one, Connie. HA!!!
Great lim, Connie!
Bewitching, this.
Pun’ku Time…
Eye just saw this post:
conjunctivitis dot com…
a site for sore eyes
No matter how hard
you push the envelope, it’s
still stationery.
Classification ~
backwards poets tend to write
poetry inverse.
A diet slogan:
If you’re not dieting, you’re
going the wrong weigh.
Which president is
the least guilty? Lincoln, ‘cause
he is in a cent.
###
I love a good pun… now I’ve read your five and Sal’s “yellow pages”. Good stuff you all.
Puns rock!
I agree. Punning at its best is highly underrated. Some folks are snobs about them… not me!
Good puns, RJ!! My dad is always making puns, it’s pretty funny. 😉
!! 😀
Ohmigosh! These are great, RJ!!
I knew yours would be hysterical, and I am not disappointed.
GROAN! (sidesplitter) Chuckle (kneeslapper)
I Wanna’ Get Weighed
Why did the chicken cross the road?
What’s that between the elephant’s toes?
What’s that spot just below your chin?
Oops! You fell for that one again
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Why don’t you ask that other fella’?
Not really havin’ a funny day
So take your jokes and go away
But jokes and riddles are so much fun
Why, oh why, would you have me run?
I’m just tryin’ to give you a reason to smile
So bear with me just a little while
But I’ve heard them all over the years
Most of them bore me to tears
So many recycled or changed just a bit
The funny is gone; no more humor or wit
What about the one about Little Johnny?
He wanted to impress this pretty little honey
He took her to the fair on Friday night
Had lots of fun, everything was going right
Pretty honey said that she wanted to get weighed
Took her to the guesser, two dollars he would pay
Again and again she repeated the request
Again and again he had her weight guessed
Little Johnny got bored, and it was getting late
So he took her back home and ended the date
When her mama asked if she had fun at the fair
She said, “I had a weawwy wotten time there.”
PS: You’ll get it after a while.
Oh, my… darn speech impediment!
hee, hee…
I weewy wike it! 😀 !
Marie Elena
You say I’m funny
You laugh when you look at me
Looks aren’t everything
Haha
!!!
The Space Meeting
It was a meeting of the minds
Each one completely able
A Russian, an American
And a Frenchman at the table
To talk about their passion
The exploration of space
Each one would tell the other
Of their impending space race
The Russian started off with
“We’re going to Jupiter’s moon!
We’ll have a human colony
Established very soon.”
The others were impressed
With Russia’s confidence
But secretly skeptical of
Its overall importance
The American started speaking
“We’ve harnessed Saturn’s rings!
We already had a probe there
Analyzing everything!
We’ll harness the rings’ powers
And build a docking station
To use for all ships going
On deep space exploration.”
The Frenchman broke his silence
“We have just begun!”
He blurted out their plans
“We’re going to the sun!!”
The Russian and American said
“You’ll burn up in mid-flight!!”
The Frenchman had an answer
“We’re going to go at night!”
Aaahahaha…. 😀 Thanks, Earl!!
A double dactyl:
Flibberty gibbetty,
Was Sigmund Freud the key?
Did all his talk really
Raise up the bar?
Quoth that odd daddy of
Psychoanalysis,
Sometimes a stogie
Is just a cigar.
… I can still hear my husband repeating those last two lines…
Yes!
Walt, thanks for the smile, Meg, the burst of laughter!
We Washed the Cat
By David De Jong
We washed the family cat today
Pretty sure it’s become a stray
Followed directions as presented
The bathroom walls now are vented
He didn’t much care for the whirring sound
While the flushes took him round and round
We added soap, the prescribed amount
After a few spin flushes, we lost count
He blew bubbles at both ends as he made his escape
I swear the way he flew, he was wearing a cape
As he clawed his way through the bathroom wall
Thought it might be prudent give 9-1-1 a call
They laughed and made my situation a joke
They sneered and called me one ignorant bloke
As they pointed to the directions hung by a pin
Make sure you always keep the bathroom door wide-open
Last we heard, some folks down the road seen a cat in a huff
Looked like a crazy, enormous, four-leg’ed, powder puff
The family dog on the other hand, enjoyed the show so much
Everyday he brings me a different cat, covered in mud and such
**
P.S. Just to make sure – would in no way actually attempt this. We have various; happy, well cared for, critters – wild and domestic – in our home and on our property.
You are funny, David…!
Hilarious, David! The poor cat… 😉
Wedding Customs
Uncle Spoonerism arrived as a guest
at Janey’s wedding. An engraved request
for his presence was tucked neatly in his hand
as he foxtrotted to each and every song by the band.
Janey’s dad was nervous, as dads often are
regarding what some might find a wee bit bizarre,
like a comment or two that Uncle might make at the fest.
“Don’t worry, dear Daddy,” sweet Janey professed.
Suddenly, during the dinner of roast,
Uncle Spoonerism got up on his feet for a toast.
During his speech, all was easy and bright.
No weirdness. It all seemed to be …well… all right.
But still. Dad maneuvered to Uncle Spoonerism’s side
as the uncle inquired, “Is it kisstomary to cuss the bride?”
###
Drat! I blew the html. Sorry!
Oh, great one, RJ! Amy
Hehe, good one, RJ!!
Punch Line
One benefit of long marriage:
our economy of words.
We’ve shared so many laughs
together that now
we need only speak
the punch lines
to explode into laughter:
That dog’ll bite you!
McGregor the wall builder. . .
Why do you ask, two dogs. . . ?
Ricky hold his own hand.
That your boots? Thatcher boots?
We speak in our own code,
consider ourselves hilarious.
The secret of long love lies
between the ears,
laughter as libido.
Two dogs, ha ha ha ha. I love that one!! Amy
Ha, ha, ha… yes… We had that connection… 😀 !!
Ah, yes…we do that, too.
Sweet! I like this one a lot! 🙂
This is so true. I have been married for 34 years, and we do these things all the time.
Nancy, this is so true … so endearing …
Marie Elena
That’s Nancy P. I still have trouble changing to my other log-in!
“The secret of long love lies between the ears, laughter as libido.” Yes! So true.
Reminds me of a favorite quote by Joanne Woodward (Mrs. Paul Newman) “Sexiness wears thin after awhile and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that is a treat.”
😀 !!!!! It’s a very special connection to be with someone who just “gets” you, and you “get” him… 🙂 !!
True Love
“Love,”
She said,
“Should tingle
Every nerve cell,
Defy gravity
As one’s heart soars on high.
Love should transcend the mundane.
Passion, Romance – never ending.
Oh, darling, don’t you agree?” She sighed.
“Yes, dear,” he said massaging her sore feet.
… 😀 My husband Loved for me to massage his feet… with Peppermint Lotion… 🙂 !!
Ha! My mom can’t stand it if her feet are even touched, let alone massaged. 😉 This is a good one, Debi.
ha, ha…
This one works on lots of levels. Love it.
Addiction
Don’t care what you say
simple or complex
refined or uncouth
I have to give in
to this darn sweet tooth.
YES!
Oh, me too! Oh well… 😉
Last one-I promise
Love’s In the Air
My nose is clogged,
eyes are waterin,
plant romance makes
dratted pollen.
Really, the last. No more on this prompt (this one is one I did on Writers Digest April PAD)
Lesson On Love
You say you’ll love me unconditionally?
I already have a dog.
That you’ll wrap your love around me?
Fleece blanket.
That you’ll give me the sun and moon?
Where would I store them?
That you can’t live without me?
You have till now and will.
Your face falls, smile fails, a tear gleams in your eye,
I’ve hurt you – I’m sorry, but it just isn’t wise… for me.
I watch you walking slump shouldered to the car
a pretty girl passes and smiles
your head whips round and you say, “excuse me…”
Class dismissed.
………
I love both of these, Debi! That second one is priceless!
He packed his own lunch.
By the time he is on the pavement
it is too late to ask why.
Of course that is not the funny part.
You’re missing the point.
You can substitute the Italian for a Pole if you’d like.
In one version there are both tacos and beans
and so the races get a little hazy,
which is why PB&J is best for the punch line.
No, the race isn’t important. I’m just saying.
Yes, there is much more to the story-
the accumulation and inversion of all that negative energy,
the challenges of communicating in a continuously diverse and evolving world,
the steady mortgage and decline in company profit,
the wife, the kid and all those appointments, and other vices,
what is becoming of the government.
None of that makes a good joke though.
Best to hit the punch line way before that point
and tell it from a more abstract point of view.
See: the wife, after the fact.
Have you noticed the wind is strongest when you have something to say,
junk mail at its most frequent when you are awaiting something important?
I keep putting off the book about Veronica deciding to end it all
but failing at it, kind of.
Yes, I know. Why did you let me get so far off topic?
Anyway, the dude packs his own lunch
but ends up a sidewalk sandwich anyway.
That’s the joke.
Unlike poems where the images are the concrete,
the less imagery in this joke, the better.
Even the slightest splat makes it tragic.
Of course it’s more self reflection.
What better to way to jump without, you know, jumping.
Wow… It’s good to see you here again, Mike!
Thanks! I’ve been so busy with work that I have been neglecting many things, including PB!
mikeMaher!!!
I chuckled my way through this one, in part because I soooooo know the recipient of this joke. 😉
Good having you back, and hoping to see you more often!
Marie Elena
Thanks, Marie!
COMING CLEAN
It’s time for me
to hop in the shower,
he said.
Please don’t,
she said.
It’s slippery.
2103-05-05
P. Wanken
You sly fox!
🙂
Sometimes it takes awhile to really get it. I read that several times before the light-bulb came on- brother.
Darn funny!
😀 !!
Too funny!!
Pingback: Coming Clean | echoes from the silence
Pingback: To the Manor Born | Sharp Little Pencil - Amy Barlow Liberatore
Before we begin, you must pardon certain bits of “flavor” in today’s poem, for it was written to the theme of “incorporate the punchline of your favorite joke into a poem” for Poetic Bloomings (and you must remember I had a long career in theater and cabarets, so the humor was rather salty), but I also used some rather unsavory words from The Sunday Whirl, including “Spit,” “Pulsing,” and… well, you’ll see! Also at my favorite poetic salon, Poets United (going on three years of membership!).
If you are faint of heart or faint over mild vulgarity, best you skip this one. (wink) And comment if you pick out the punchline! Amy
To the Manor Born
They number in the thousands,
with up-front titles such as
The Duke of Whodidwhatshire and
Lady Fluffingsham, that sound like
they pee chicken soup, their spit is
a blessing, and their hearty red
corpuscles could run pulsing into
a petri dish and create a ruby.
Dressing takes hours beyond count;
their every text message is met by
thunderous headlines in the
Brrrrrritish tabloids. Oi!
Said Lord Worthlessthan as he dined
on braised pheasant and oysters during
a recent champagne luncheon at Beltchington,
“We call ourselves The Aristocrats…
but really, we’re plain, humble folk.”
© 2013 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
gigglegiggle… 🙂
… got it…
Love those names!
Yes, me too. Oddly enough, they remind me of some trucker names. For example, Belchertown, Mass., is known as “Burp.”
LOST TRAIN (Mono-rhyme)
A book, I found last year, I bought.
It promised that I could be taught.
Avow, I would come out on top
if I but concentrate a lot.
I did not want to be a flop,
but all my studies were for naught.
I could not master what I sought,
I kept losing my train of …..
Love it, M! Kind of lost your train of thought at the end there too, didn’t ya? 😉
🙂
!! 😀
Bert
“I’d rather have a bottle
in front of me than a
frontal lobotomy.” Cracking
wise, bony fingers slapping
bonier thighs, skinny ass
hanging off ripped vinyl
barstool, Bert is as pickled
as the jar of eggs on the counter.
‘Last call,’ bartender yells.
Bobbing Bert yells back,
‘I’m calling you a party
pooper, that’s my last call.’
Smacking his fist on a stained
napkin, Bert cackles. ‘Hey,
funny man,’ bartender says,
‘I am phoning your wife
to come get you if you don’t
settle this tab, and scram.’
Bert’s stringy black-haired
head hits the counter.
Tears fall from Bert’s eyes,
his skeletal frame shakes.
You know who coined the “full frontal lobotomy” line? Tom Waits, the songwriter. Great stuff here! A
that was a great haha
Thanks, Sam!
… so painfully real… and yet… Great work, Sara!!
Thanks, Hen!
I came back to this one for a second read, thinking it wouldn’t hit me quite so hard … yet it does. So very sad to get into Bert’s head. Great work, Sara.
Marie Elena
I agree. I must’ve read this four or five times by now. Excellent indeed.
Thanks, Marie!
Shaken Not Stirred
By a Word Nerd
Wrecked ’em?
Damn near killed ’em
spilled ’em
across the blacktop
they was sunny side up
Butter cup flashing
finish line crashing
one more bump and he’s awake
Ricky Bobby shake n’ bake
his pelvis in Graceland
Teenage Wasteland….
real gangstas neva say a word
no I said shaken’ not stirred
Double Oh Seven eleven
got gas cap flew off – mazel tov
going too damn fast – jerk off
Double clutch not enough
to make dead man’s curve
Wow… I sensed the underlying pain with this one… and yet… the humour is there… thus, the therapy… good work!!
Welcome to Poetic Bloomings, Sam! 🙂
Marie Elena
(I’m feeling joyful… these words came from a humorous website)
“If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer… oh wait, he does.”
Smile Thru the Pain
Pictures disappear
Never to be found again
Patience… a virtue.
Preach it!
😀 !!
For sure … been there! 🙂
M, my friend, I was “lookin’ right at you” when I saw this one (of course, some of my puppy pics and photo-a-day, and poet mentor pics truly did disappear…)… !!
Good one, Hen!
Ha, ha, ha… :D!!
“Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it back down to give their vacuum one more chance?”
“The sole purpose of a child’s middle name,, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.”
“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”
And, last but not least:
“My shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.”
! 😀 Thanks, everyone, for the smiles and laughter!! 😀 !!
Your second comment produced the following; it’s another case of not being able to help it.
THE CURSE OF THE FULL NAME
I don’t understand all the hoodoo
of having three names; it’s like voodoo.
But when Mama calls me
by using all three
then I know I’m in really deep doo-doo.
“Amy Louise Barlow, you get back in this house right now!” Time for grounding… grounding time… ground down in time… (sad face)
Ha, ha, ha….!!
Hee hee hee!! 😀
hee, hee, I’m soo glad you were inspired… 😀 !!
🙂 love it
That ‘middle name’ is also helpful for wives…..
….. Uh OHHHH…. !!
These are hilarious, Hen!! I don’t remember my mom ever using all three of my names…but I do it quite often with my younger siblings! 😀
Ha, ha, ha… My daughter knew I meant business, when I called out to her using her three names… and, now, I listen and laugh when I hear her calling my Grandbabies with three… :D!!
Les Maladie de les Anglais.
Mad dogs and Englishmen
Go out in the midday sun
An afternoon’s cricket and cream tea
Is what they call good fun
Their offbeat sense of humour
Others find quite obscure
And for their standoffishness
There really is no cure
But when it comes to madness
The French surely must reign
If you jumped off a bridge in Paris
Why then, you’d be in Seine!
Iain
in Seine, hahahaha
😀
!!! 😀 !!!
Iain, I swear on Mama’s grave, I was singing that Noel Coward song this morning in the shower: “The smallest Mayay rabbit/deplores this stupid habit…” and “In Hong Kong, they strike a gong and fire off a mid-day gun/to reprimand each inmate/ who’s in late…” Deeeelightful (yes, that’s Cole, I know)! Amy
🙂 I should have added “Best read in a Noel Coward voice!!!”
😀
🙂
Too funny, Iain! I happen to be very fond of British humor though… 🙂
This is great, Iain.
That is hilarious, Iain!
Thank you 🙂
Hardy harr harr!! 😀
Marie Elena
This is funny indeed. Reminds me a bit of the wag who told me, “You know, ‘Fee Fi Fo Fum’ came from a French woman, Fifi Fofum.”
Hi all!
Out of town, and almost entirely unplugged. At a little library right now. Copied and pasted your poems into Word, and will do me a little fun reading tonight.
Have fun!!
Marie Elena
Wow! Some fun poems here. 🙂 I think I will be skipping this prompt as comedy isn’t my thing, and I don’t think I could write something funny if I tried for a million years. Have fun, guys! I know you already are. 😉
Tosh & Poppycock! You, Erin are a poetic prodigy – thnk of something funny one of The Inklings said and write… your riddle poems are funny…
humour is in the eye of the beholder…get it out with Optrex! 🙂
Haha, thanks Iain!! I didn’t know you had read our riddle poems. My friend Amy is really good at that kind of thing…she even wrote a limerick about me going off to Maui without her and getting burned. 🙂
Hear, hear!!
Marie Elena
For sure Erin – Just think about your family and “stuff” you-all do….
Yeah, that should be enough. I honestly think my “little” brother (my 6 foot tall little brother ;)) was born to be a comedian. 😉
Erin… I am Sooo Glad that you participated… you made me laugh!! Hugs!
Thanks, Hen! Hugs to you too. 🙂
!! 🙂
This memory just came back to me. 🙂
Only Two Legs, Right?
We bought a bag of frozen drumsticks;
Dinner was cooking,
Out came the bag;
Little sister watched in awe
As one by one they went into the pan,
All twenty drumsticks.
She turned to my mom
In fascinated wonder,
“So,” she lisped,
“How many legs does this chicken have anyway?”
© Copyright Erin Kay Hope – 2013
That one BIG footed chick!
🙂 !!
Haha, yes, I guess so! 😀
Aaaahahaha!! Aww… thank you, friend, for the early, Early morning laugh!! :D!!
You’re welcome. Thanks for reading. ❤
Hahaha! Nice one Erin 🙂
Thank you, Iain. You see, I took your advice and posted one. 😉
awww, that’s so cute. I love those silly things kids say.
So do I! Glad you liked it, Linda. 🙂
A rispetto:
Mary at La Tomatino
We met by chance under the palo jabón,
two American tourists lost in a sea
of white apparel in a planned combat zone,
armed only with swim goggles and bravery.
For an hour we fought the battle of red,
slinging tomato-bombs against chest or head
until all wore clothing of crimson batik.
She cried, “I’m a bloody Mary,” tongue-in-cheek.
…oh my…
Sorry I’m late to the party again. Outpatient procedure=lost days. I’ll drop in a rispetto too, Linda, until I feel funny again.
Trades
They sit all night with wine and fire
remembering when they were young
when girls and cars claimed their desire
and their exploits had just begun.
Now old men, humbled, they can smile
at how life braked them mile on mile,
for now they’d trade ladies and speed
for a good old dog on a lengthy lead.
Jane… I wish you a speedy recovery… thank you for the smile!
Hope you are feeling well, Jane.
This is funny, and tender too. You handle the rispetto like you invented it.
Ditto William’s comment.
Hope you are well now, Jane!
Marie Elena
Thanks, friends. I’m getting there.
I’ve had this happen a few times, when church talkers get louder with the music, so that when I stop, they are shouting. They always glower at me as if it’s my fault they’re shrieking in church. Not so. I’m just the musician behind the grin. 😉
Joyful Noise
I choose a prelude that is soft,
a quiet building prayer oft
as not, a piece suggesting calm
to lead talkers to silent balm.
But sometimes, as the music swells,
a conversation will as well,
and when I reach a denouement,
the talkers’ shouts are contretemps.
😀
Amen to that. The smile’s not big enough for this little piece.
gigglegiggle
(And kudos for your musical talent, Jane!)
Marie Elena
Knock Knock
Knock! Knock! Who’s there?
We spent hours repeating this phrase,
Varying answers to exasperate elders,
Now I am an elder and I answer myself.
I knock on the door and ask who’s there?
I just laugh at myself and come on in.
😀 !
Marie Elena
The Boat and The Sea
A wee small boat
took to the sea
it rocked and rolled and floated
with exuberant glee,
and the wee small boat
said, “Adieu!” to the sea
but sea could only wave.
Pardon me whilst I unbend; I’m doubled over with laughter.
Thank you, William, and I hope you soon recover. 😉
Adorable! 😀
Marie Elena
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Do You Want to Hear a Dirty Joke?
He asked her if she wanted to hear
a dirty joke while sipping a beer.
“Give it your best shot bud.”
“A pig fell in the mud.”
Cleanest dirty joke to cross my ear.
Ah, so! Wonderful, sneaky little piece. Reminds me of a very old Toonerville Trolley cartoon: a drunk asks a sober fellow if he’d join him in a little Christmas cheer. After the fellow says “yes,” the drunk says, “Yay, Christmas! Rah! Rah! Rah!:
Ha ha ha! Thanks William.