Day 15 at the NaPoWriMo 2013 April adventure featured a glimpse at the Pantun poetic form.
The pantun is a Malay poetic form. Per Wikipedia, the pantun originated as a traditional oral form of expression. The most common theme is love.
The basic pantun consists of a quatrain (4-line verse). Commonly, each line contains between 8 and 12 syllables, and employs an abab rhyme scheme. A pantun traditionally follows a fixed rhythm. Again, per Wikipedia, “The first and second lines sometimes appear completely disconnected in meaning from the third and fourth, but there is almost invariably a link of some sort. Whether it be a mere association of ideas, or of feeling, expressed through assonance or through the faintest nuance of a thought, it is nearly always traceable.”
MARIE ELENA’S ATTEMPT:
FADING
Threadbare blankets lay lightly on the chaise; His loose change clinking as he shuffles off. A ticking clock broadcasts that life’s a race, While clicking cane attends a muffled cough. © Copyright Marie Elena Good – 2013WALT’S PANTUN:
BLOOMS OF LOVE
…and all at once, the rain had ceased.
When did my children grow so quick?
The length of sunshine has increased.
Why has it left me feeling sick
when the warmth of Spring emerges?
Little girls become young women
Comfort in this season’s surges.
and all the changes from within –
blossoms having rooted now bloom,
Decorating each life they touch,
fragrant flowers fill up the room.
truly knowing they mean so much.
Life’s bouquet gathered together,
Grown in love to know what life means;
flourishing in all kinds of weather,
ever-growing, evergreen!
© Copyright Walter J. Wojtanik – 2013
POETIC BLOOMINGS 
Responses
Pictures of You
Night is when I miss you the most,
My dreams are flooded with pictures of you:
Our hearts, and our fingers, almost
Touching, mine almost healed, still broke in two.
I know you’re in a better place,
And there’s no more pain, but that won’t stop me
From crying, wishing to see your face.
At night our fingers almost touch…in dreams.
© Copyright Erin Kay Hope – 2013
Full of sadness but also hope…and the promise of healing.
Marie, you and Walt always do the prompts so well. Yours is bittersweet and Walt’s touches every parent’s heart.
Thank you so much, Debi!
Marie Elena
Lovely, Erin…
Thanks, Hen. 🙂
!! 🙂
As is so often the case, Erin starts us out spilling heart to page in lovely fashion. You add so much to our lives, Erin. ❤
Marie Elena
Thank you so much, Marie! You have added so much to mine as well. :)’s to you, my friend.
Beautiful, Erin. I never fail to be inspired by you and your words.
Aww, thanks, Claudsy!! I’m glad my words are able to inspire people. Thanks again. 🙂
Across the floor two marbles roll left and right.
Mom unties her apron, hangs it on a hook.
Bob’s off to Stanford, the Navy’s garnered Dwight.
Now Mom gathers memories in a scrapbook.
Love the entirely poetic feel to this, Debi. Your “show, don’t tell” style in this one is superb.
Marie Elena
Thank you, Marie. I can see the improvement as I write (and read) more poetry and study under Sal’s tutelage.
You couldn’t ask for a better mentor. 🙂
Marie Elena
Ahem!? W
This is great, Debi! I love the first and last lines. 🙂
I couldn’t agree more with Marie on this one. Lovely, Debi.
Oh, Debi, I Like this so much… especially the charming first line!! 🙂 !
Thank you, Henrietta. It is hard to see our children (even the furry ones) scatter.
… yes…
Meg, short and sweet; Walt, painfully sweet…
Thanks Hen!
Meg
You are very welcome! 🙂
Life
(a Pantun)
Born naked on a hot, humid Northeast August day
Walking on snow white beaches of the Emerald Coast
Screen saver pictures spur memories from far away
Impossible to pick a memory that is loved the most
Good one, Earl!
Love this one, Earl. I can see it and almost smell the sea and hear the longing.
Thank you both. And, yes, the smell of the Gulf along the Emerald Coast is lovely.
…lovely memories…
Thanks for using this form, Walt-Marie. I really enjoyed it a few days ago when we did it over at NaPoWriMo. This is another chance to use it again.
Yes Claudette. Figured to strike while the iron is still hot! W
And I managed to pull one together just for you guys, too.
❤
Here’s an idea for you, Walt. Begin a real challenge for this form. Write one, pass it on to the next poet in line (whomever finds it first) and have them write the next stanza, and so on down the line. Give it a month to keep going, and then see what you have at the end.
I’ll bet you’d have enough for an entire volume of Bloomings. 🙂
Hee, hee… I Like it, Clauds…
Thanks, Hen. I have to admit that I cheated. Meena and I were doing it the other night as a form of chat, totally spontaneous. We had fun with it. I thought it would be a great way to get everyone into the fun and to see what kind of organic collaboration would result.
Twilight
Setting sun and rising moon dance together
At the mingling of the light,
Casting fleeting shadows of red and silver
On earth, turning grey, at twilight.
© Copyright Erin Kay Hope – 2013
Oh, excellent one, Erin. Brava!
Thank you, Claudsy! Glad you like it.
I always enjoy reading your work, Erin. You’re a natural.
You too. ❤
Beautiful images…
Thanks, Hen. ❤
Formidable
Cradled gently within her hands
an injured bird with feathers bent.
They swung to the beat of the big bands
moving with grace, as one – they were simply meant.
Lovely, Michelle!
Beautiful, Michelle. I love the flow of your words as they move from line to line, never losing momentum, yet keeping the flow gentle and soft.
… I sense the connection…
Thank you so much Claudsy! Thank you Erin and Hen!
Loving this form the more I work with it. Thanks again, guys.
Sharing
Your presence moves along the length of me,
trailing shivers with your merest touch;
oh, that intimacy comes to this reverie,
as air’s chill lingers from blankets in your clutch.
Beautiful…in a somewhat haunting way… I like this one, Clauds! 🙂
Thanks, Erin. I appreciate that.
… yes, the haunting…
The Shot
The fog laid heavy and low wasting away the sunrise beauty
4 AM and 100 miles spent hurrying all for naught
Alas, the tidewaters recede, exposing creation’s glory
He’d have traveled a thousand miles for that million dollar shot
Wonderful, Earl! As a photographer, I know the exact feeling. 🙂
Ah, Earl, you’ve captured my sister’s passion in words. Good one.
Yes!!
Great one Earl! As a photographer I can relate very well to your poem.
Pollinated
Pollen layers yellow hazy green
down, drifting onto decks and cars below.
I’d tell you what I think, but it’s obscene,
of allergies that seem to grow and grow.
In spring, the world is moved to monstrous mating.
Why wouldn’t vegetation join the game?
But people really don’t need pollinating.
Botanic sex makes us sneeze, snivel, blame.
Oh poor Jane!! Are your allergies getting any better?
Hey, Erin. Not so much today, but I’ve finished up my prednisone and a round of antibiotics. Hurry rain! Having a croaky voice does garner me pity while I wheeze and whine 😉
Aww, I’m praying for you and wishing some rain your way!
Ah, Jane, I commiserate with you. We have year-round allergies here because of the different evergreens and conifers that blow pollen at different times of the year.
It’s not fun, is it? Love this one. It expresses my thoughts for me. Thank you.
Feel better, Jane!
Hope your allergies are better soon Jane!
It’s a far more subtle form than I was expecting. Meter, rhyme, assonance, the disconnected 3rd and 4th lines. Man. How is it you are all making this lok so easy? Color me wowwed.
Paired
At dusk, two mourning doves lean on a limb;
wing to wing, they sway and tuck their head.
He helps her from her chair, or she helps him,
and side by side, they shuffle off to bed.
How sweet! I love that second line! 🙂
Oh, sweet, Jane. Love it. A great image to take away. And you didn’t seem to have any trouble with this form at all.
…ohh… so Lovely and sweet…
Love this one Jane! Simply lovely.
um, LOOK so easy. derrr.
Schooled
I sit in the school caff, and my thoughts drift off.
Some loud music comes from a table nearby.
I push my food into a peak and a trough
and glance up at the skylight. I heave a sigh.
A day in the life of middle-aged hausfraus
who go back to school to jump start a career.
So, why do we do it? I guess it’s because
we still learn. Here’s to the next semester year.
###
RJ, it can be so invigorating, can’t it, this learning every hour of the day, whether we want to or not? At least now you have a better handle on the studies that tug at your heart and give you a pleasure that you wouldn’t have gotten as a young student. Some of my best middle-aged years were spent at university. There are many times I still miss it. I recognize the feelings behind this poem and its images. Good one.
Yes… I so agree…
Ringlets
Whimsical, magical, brightness
Lying together in blades of green.
Senses sharpened to utter softness
Untouching no union in the sheen.
Lovely, Hen! So sweet! 🙂
🙂 Thanks, Erin!
Ooo, I love this, Hen. So soft, sensual in form and sound. A definite keeper.
Ohh, thank you, so much, Clauds… 🙂 !!
You’re entirely welcome, Hen. 🙂
! 🙂 🙂 !!
I found this difficult, but here goes:
Sounds Under The Skin
Arduous climb to mountain peak
Cold, clear air, blanket of silence.
Amid ceaseless city sounds, she hears that creak
of the broken floorboard, his last act of defiance.
Wow “…his last act of defiance…” for some reason, you made me shiver. Good poem, Sara!
Thanks, Erin!
…didn’t it, though!!
I’m with you, Erin. That last line had a similar effect on me. Sara, this is powerful. It certainly didn’t read as difficult. Great job.
Thanks so much, Claudsy!
You’re welcome.
Color’s Harmony
Though the melody of rain is gone,
The land still feels refreshed and green;
A tinge of pink came with the dawn,
To clothe in light what might have been;
Though that sweet melody has past,
The sky is still as blue as then;
The sun has brought yellow en masse,
The rain is gone, now sings the wren.
© Copyright Erin Kay Hope – 2013
Oh, lovely, Erin. This is wonderful; so visual, so gentle. “The sun has brought yellow en masse, The rain is done, ow singe the wren.”
Great lines. Thank you.
Oh thank you, Claudsy!! There always seems to be colors dancing around and harmonizing in my head; perhaps that comes from being a painter…I don’t know. But I always love to incorporate them in my poetry. I’m so glad you liked this! Thank you! 🙂
You’re more than welcome, Erin. You deserved every word.
You’re so sweet. Thank you. 🙂
I Loved: “…Though the melody of rain is gone,…” The song of life lingers on… 🙂 !!
Thank you, Hen!! That would have been a good line for me to use: “the song of life lingers on…” It fits perfectly. 😉 Thanks again, Hen.
Hee, hee, quite unexpected… 🙂 !!
No poem. Just wanted to say how wonderful it is that your blog promotes poetry. I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award: http://quillfyre.wordpress.com/2013/04/18/thank-you-jane-johann-for-nominating-me-for-the-versatile-blogger-award/
Spring Guest
Blustery, windy day blow thru
in gusty gales of whirling play.
A door, a window, a Heart for you,
Sit down, you have so much to say.
Sweet! “…sit down, you have so much to say…” I love that. Cause it reminds me of a very good friend of mine. She’s always ready to listen to me talk, even though she’s very busy and has five kids. Thanks for this lovely poem, Hen! 🙂
Aww… how wonderful for you to have such a special friend, Erin!! (and Thank You for reading it… Oh, don’t tell anyone, but this poem is about my Special friend, “the wind” :D!)
Yes, she is one of the dearest people I have ever met. And she has such sweet children! I’m their official babysitter and piano teacher. I love to teach them! 🙂
I won’t tell anyone about the wind….though I think you’ve already let the secret out. 😉 I love the wind as well. It’s become the theme of many of my poems.
!!! 😀 !!
My Sweet Nuisance…
It’s night, all is darkness now, not by choice;
Through the window softly shines the moonlight;
A hand on my arm, a soft little voice:
“Erin, can’t I sleep in your bed tonight?”
© Copyright Erin Kay Hope – 2013
Aww… just soo sweet!! 🙂 !!
Thanks! She is so sweet. There’s pictures of her on my blog: pictureperfectekh.blogspot.com
I tried to go to this site, but it just took me to a general location with alot of others’ blogs. 😦
Did you try clicking on my name?
I didn’t see your name… let me try again…
No… Bing just has a real general location.
I mean my name, Erin Kay Hope, that’s at the top of every comment box that I post.
Oh, DUH!! I just clicked on your name here and it brought me to your blog! Soo sweet and delightful to see your little sis!! Thank you for sharing!! 🙂 !
Evolution
Thru the thicket of acquaintance flow,
Into a quiet wonderland.
Disembody your heart, mind, and soul,
Leave me only a shoulder and a warm hand.
Beautiful, Hen! 🙂
Thank you, Erin…
Peaceful Reunion
Earthshaking calm washes over me,
as all of the storms have passed me by.
Peering into my eyes, what do I see…
A moment of grace was left behind.
Oh lovely, Hen!! You and I are on a roll with this form. 🙂 It’s a fun one, huh?
Hee, hee…yes, Thank you, Erin! I’m Loving this surge of creative inspiration… it brings me soo much Joy and Peace!! 😀 !!
Lost in His Eyes
My face is flushing scarlet red,
My heart pulsating; no surprise:
I still can’t move or turn my head,
Lost in those warm, dark chocolate eyes.
© Copyright Erin Kay Hope – 2013
… oh yeah … :D!!