We’re nearing the end of our project. After this week, we will offer our final words on the subject – us. Are you pleased with your offerings? Do you regret divulging certain parts of yourself? Or do we live without regret? Do we allow ourselves that little spark of wonder to imagine where we’d be if certain things had fallen in place differently? A “George Bailey” moment, thinking if I wasn’t who I’ve become, how would other peoples lives be changed?
“HOW DO YOU VIEW your life? – POETIC BLOOMINGS MEMOIR PROJECT
Part 19: Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda… – Is there something you wish you would have done differently? Write about a missed opportunity, an idea of yours that never came to fruition, or one that did…for someone else. Take a mulligan and make it write!
MARIE ELENA’S SHOULDA
One Mother’s Lament (Haibun)
Being an admirer of those who glance back yet don’t bemoan, I aspire to do the same. However, this is difficult (read “impossible”) as a mother. I’m thankful for the relationship I have with my now-grown children. There is much love and respect, and mutual enjoyment – and always has been. Yet I think of their junior high and high school years with pangs of remorse for what could have been. Activities, rehearsals, competitions, plays, football games, concerts, time with their friends – much to hamper family dinners at the kitchen table.
Fast food drive-through runs
Offer little nourishment
For heart and spirit
© Copyright – Marie Elena Good – 2012
“COULDA, WOULDA, SHOULDA”
I could have been a contender,
but my end justifies the means, doesn’t it?
I mustn’t regret this life, so imperfect
and strife laden. It has been a haven
for many good things. It has given me
family and friends; supportive and cherished
and on the day I perish, I will be rich with love.
I could live it all over again.
I would have done things slightly different
and sent my poetic prowess to work sooner.
It had sat latent and silent and I was hell bent
on being something else. A musician was the dream,
but I seem to have the dexterity, but not the desire.
So making words sing has been the next best thing.
My “audience” plays along in chorus and between us, we do sing.
I would love to have had befriended them earlier in life.
I should have been a better person than I had been.
It was a sin that I always looked at horizons that sat
in the solitary distance, when the things that were
right before my eyes were never quite embraced.
I directed my time and energy to the me nobody knew,
and it’s true, I barely knew myself. I should have not
wasted rhyme and time on reasons that still perplex
and I should not be vexed by them now.
But, I am having a wonderful time so far.
I look forward to the beauty of many more days,
with no regret. In that regard, I am set for life.
© Copyright – Walter J. Wojtanik 2012